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Tuesday. 6.12.07 1:00 pm
How do I depend on myself without pushing everyone else away? Is it possible to figure things out on my own, while at the same time not making strangers of those who know me best?


I've never been on my own. I think it's about time for me to be. I'm just scared that in the process, that loves ones will become strangers. Pretending that everything is ok, and pushing everyone away, is the only way to actually rely on myself. Five years from now, I don't want to realize that I've been "friends" with ppl who never really got to know me when I grew up.


If I do things on my own for now, and go back when I've settled things with myself...is it possible to pick up where we left off?
Or will we just be strangers who don't know each other at all?

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No one
Friday. 7.7.06 12:47 pm
They were both right.


How is it possible to have so many friend yet feel so alone.


Getting attached to ppl is pointless.


Ppl come in and out of our lives. Life goes on. Only person I need...is Jesus. He'll give me the comfort I need.

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Helpless
Friday. 4.21.06 11:12 am
Its quite ironic that I've always been labeled at the one that's easy to talk to. Yet when it comes to real situations and real problems, no one can open up to me. Not that I'm blaming anyone. I completely understand that its hard to completely open up to someone. If anyone understands, its definitely me. Everyone has a wall around their heart. Its just sometimes I don't know whether I'm suppose to try and knock them down, or if I'm just suppose to wait till they do it themselves. And honestly I just want you to find someone you can open up to. I know that you don't like to open up about things like that to people, but its harder to keep it in. Maybe if you let someone in and help you, then things would be a whole lot better. It could be just what you need and what you're looking for. Of course its not that easy. And yeah life sucks like that sometimes. Everyone has their problems and everyone's too busy with their own problems to actually get involved with other people's problems. But I feel that I'm here on earth for a reason. There aren't alot of things I'm good at, but I know God gave me the talent of listening for a reason. And He intended me to use it to help those I love and those around me. Specially since I consider you a friend its hard to sit here and watch you just go through a difficult time and not be able to do anything about it. I love you and just want you to be happy. I guess for now I'll just have to pray for you and see what happens. I know God will answer your prayers, but you just have to have faith.

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...
Friday. 4.15.05 11:39 pm
Yeah, I dunno.

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Me, Myself, and I
Friday. 2.25.05 9:48 pm
I got me, myself, and I
Is all got in the end
Thats what I found out
And there aint no need to cry
From now on, Imma be my own bestfriend

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Trying to hold back tears
Tuesday. 12.7.04 11:15 pm
I just dont know anymore. I really don't. I know what it feels like to be depressed...to have your whole world fall apart. But my whole world isn't falling apart anymore. I thought I could finally be happy. Yet, it still hurts. Whats worse, is I don't even know why. Things just aren't the same anymore. ERGH I just really wish I could be happy and content with what I have. Things aren't as bad as they were before and I should be glad about that. I should look at everything I have, and realize that everything will be ok. But I always tell myself everything is going to be ok. And I always find myself back here, in this state of sadness. I've been trying to hold back my tears for a month, and its no longer working. I don't know what to do. I feel like I've been trying, but somehow it always ends up my fault. Why is everything my fault? Why do I always blame myself? A part of me says that I'm selfish and that it is my fault, and the other part of me says I put myself down too much. Maybe I should just stop feeling sorry for myself. I NEED F*N PYSCHO-THERAPY!!! Why couldn't I be one of those emotionally strong ppl? I don't understand. Why am I so emotionally unstable? What the hell did I go through to turn out like this?!?! I've had a happy childhood, and nothing that drastic has every happened to me. I have family and friends that love me. My family is my world, and my friends are the best...so what the hell? Maybe its just that I've drifted from God. That I no longer feel His presence with me. Yeah, thats pretty much my fault too. I should go read the Bible. I say I should do it, but I know I'm not going too. Laziness if the f*n devil. *SIGH* I shouldn't complain when I do nothing to better the situation right? I'm like the biggest contradiction walking around. Am I allowed to give up?

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