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Trying to hold back tears
Tuesday. 12.7.04 11:15 pm
I just dont know anymore. I really don't. I know what it feels like to be depressed...to have your whole world fall apart. But my whole world isn't falling apart anymore. I thought I could finally be happy. Yet, it still hurts. Whats worse, is I don't even know why. Things just aren't the same anymore. ERGH I just really wish I could be happy and content with what I have. Things aren't as bad as they were before and I should be glad about that. I should look at everything I have, and realize that everything will be ok. But I always tell myself everything is going to be ok. And I always find myself back here, in this state of sadness. I've been trying to hold back my tears for a month, and its no longer working. I don't know what to do. I feel like I've been trying, but somehow it always ends up my fault. Why is everything my fault? Why do I always blame myself? A part of me says that I'm selfish and that it is my fault, and the other part of me says I put myself down too much. Maybe I should just stop feeling sorry for myself. I NEED F*N PYSCHO-THERAPY!!! Why couldn't I be one of those emotionally strong ppl? I don't understand. Why am I so emotionally unstable? What the hell did I go through to turn out like this?!?! I've had a happy childhood, and nothing that drastic has every happened to me. I have family and friends that love me. My family is my world, and my friends are the best...so what the hell? Maybe its just that I've drifted from God. That I no longer feel His presence with me. Yeah, thats pretty much my fault too. I should go read the Bible. I say I should do it, but I know I'm not going too. Laziness if the f*n devil. *SIGH* I shouldn't complain when I do nothing to better the situation right? I'm like the biggest contradiction walking around. Am I allowed to give up?
1 Comments.


if it helps, i'm exactly the same way
» Kollin6618 on 2005-02-18 06:47:47

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